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Officially Gemini season ! Shoutout to all geminis out there ! So, June holidays starts next Friday ! Yay or nay? No idea. Yay for late nights and no alarms to disrupt my sleep. Nay for not much plans, I have terribly boring friends, those that like to stay home & slack type. Why oh why can't i have more outgoing friends. Wish this were like overseas, summer would start soon, and i can go hang out with my friends at the beach, drive cross-country ( since they get their driver license young ), summer camps, etc. But NOOOO, i'm here, stuck on this pathetic country that is practically like an island. Smaller than most islands actually. Tried imagining my future here in Singapore, it NEVER works. I'll never stay on this country. It's too small. Can't fulfill my wanderlust. Just 40mins and you can drive from one side of the country to the other. Sure it has it's plus points, but there are more cons definitely. 

Didn't go school these 2 days, terrible cramps, the pain kept me awake throughout the night. So yeah, needa wait for next week to receive my exam results. So not looking forward to it. The year isn't going as how i planned it to be. I cannot focus on studying. Never can, never will. I'm sucha pessimist. Still find it unfair that i'm born here in Singapore. Maybe if i'm born in Nashville i will have my own horse already by now, or maybe even younger. Damn. Life is so unfair, but there are still opportunities ! Definitely MUST migrate once i complete all my education. LIFEGOAL : MIGRATE OUT OF SINGAPORE.

There will be a class BBQ at east coast park next Friday. Hope it'll be held late in the evening till like at night. Really always wanted to sit by the beach at night to just sort through my thoughts. Tranquility ain't it not? But blah blah, shall see if my friends will be going or not first. Otherwise i'll be sulking throughout the day. 

I'm so desperate to find my soulmate, though yess, i'm too young to think about those now and all. BUT STILL, i feel imcompleted. Grew up as an only child, pretty much lonely most of the time. Occasionally a few close friends, but they never last. Reading those books, i'm so envious of those characters, they get to find their anam cara and all. Isn't it good to find him/her young? You'll get to spend more time with your him/her. Being complete and all, be loved. Among all the crushes i've ever had, i never felt anything more than an infatuation for them. It just doesn't feel right. And when i do get into a relationship with my crushes, i feel restrained, stressed. Somehow 'claustraphobic'. How is it even like to really LOVE someone, i might never know. I feel like tearing my hair out. 

Where the hell is he, what's his name. Even now I don't think I can be the real me, i don't even know who i am. All those will be solved when i do meet him. I want a relationship with HIM, the real him, though i don't know who he is, i only want HIM. No other relationship matters. 

I think i just sounded like those crazy "OHMYGOD, I'M DESPERATE FOR LOVE" teenager. But no okay, just desperate to find him. The one i can be myself and feel complete with, to experience emotions that i've read in books. It has to be real. It has to..