Can uncertainty even be doubted?
Sunday, 22 February 2015 | 3:32 am | 0 comments
Other than suffering from terrible discomfort from god knows what I ate during the past 2-3 days of chinese new year, today was a rather good day. Considering how boring the past few months have been.Today, I thought a lot about him, not him him. My best friend. I might have blogged about the present I shared with the other member's of the slippers clan and his past schoolmates.What i doubt i mentioned was that I got him a present of my own too. A friendship necklace. Yin & Yang design. It just caught my eye the moment I went into the store just to have a quick glance around on my way home from work and voila, I just had to buy it. Was initially afraid that he would think I like like him and that it was way too gay for a guy to wear friendship necklaces as it seemed like something mostly girls do.
Vaguely brought it up and he seemed okay with it and yay, I bought it. I got yin and he got yang. I really do like the meaning of yin and yang. It's complexity mixed into simplicity, and the things it symbolises, it's so meaningful. My mom on the other hand thinks I like him. EW MOM, NO WAY.
Partly, the friendship necklace was for selfish reasons, he had been getting close to a girl, we have been drifting and I was becoming uncertain of our friendship. These past few years, he was really my pillar of support even though he doesn't know that and he only friend I actually 100% trust. Also, my friendship and his was the only one I really put effort into and bothered protecting and cherishing. Can you believe that we don't even have a single picture of us alone together?! Crazy right. I do want one, but it seems awfully awkward to bring it up. Like huh, why so random and this is weird, people and himself might get the wrong idea even. Besides, since when was i even such a sentimental person? Always actually. But it only surfaces at night. Probably the other twin from the Gemini within me. Night shift twin.
So, all those was more of up till last year or at most last month. We hardly talked ever since a particular girl, i'd like to refer to her as trash but it seems really unfair as she never really did do anything directly against me. But she ruined a group/cliche that I really loved and the only group of friends I was alright being myself with, acting crazy and all. She came and ruin it all. Ruined about 2 years worth of memories with just 2-3 outings with us. I really hate her, I really do. But it seems unfair huh. Also, I hate how awfully close she is being to my best friend. Recently, like 3 days ago, they had a sleepover at another girl's house. I kinda blame her for bringing and introducing that trash girl into our group, but it isn't her fault. No one knew this was gonna happen and I'd like to think of myself as someone that does not restrict people's freedom in friendship choices. Doesn't mean I don't like her, others have to too. "You can't assume what you think is what people think/want too". Lessons from 2014, Weylie's video.
Anyway, fast forward to today or yesterday I might say. I asked the girl that initiated their sleepover and asked how my best friend was recently for we haven't spoken in days, and even if we had, it was simply pleasantries. She said that he wore his half of his necklace and clutched it tightly, he also had it around his wrist when he slept before resuming to wear it around his neck when he woke up.
I have no idea as to why she particularly zoomed it on the necklace details and not really answering my question as to how he was these few days, but hearing that meant so much to me. I hardly ever wore any necklaces but at that very moment, when she was telling me about him, I was wearing my half of the necklace too, and I felt that my symbol and gesture of our friendship was appreciated by him too, just by wearing the necklace. I guess the necklace to me was like, me wanting for us to have something shared, something we can remember our friendship by, a reminder for him that i'm always there for him no matter what and stuff. A symbol that he is my best friend and he is claimed, and that people having any intent on being a best friend of his can just back the hell off. (please note i do not have a crush on him for that is the grossest thing in the entire universe) He truly is the nicest friend and kindest soul among everyone I know so far and I'm not the only one to say that.
Funfact: I'm born on a 100% full moon and he's born on a 0% new moon. I like to think that i complete him and he completes me (thought I dont need it for i'm already a 100%). But that our friendship was meant to be. So our yin yang friendship necklaces adds so much more meaning now and all
I SWEAR TO GOD I DO NOT LIKE HIM. I JUST TRULY CARE
I actually hope no one will read this post and that just the length of it with no pictures will scare and bore people away. It so isn't me to blog about this kinda stuff, but it meant so much and I really wanted to share it.