On and off x10000
Saturday, 14 March 2015 | 2:59 am | 0 comments
Okay, i wrote that like last week when i was devastatingly in a weird state of mind.
Remember when I blogged about how much I appreciated my best friend and what not? Yeah, it's kinda an unstable on off rs as of this year, or since the second half of last year. Either way, I don't know. I heard from friends that it is me that is pushing him away and whenever he tries to mend the gap, I push him away further. It might be true, but I can't help but push people away whenever I feel like someone is there to replace me, it helps prevent hurt yknow, it's better than being casted aside. I guess that was my instinct and so I naturally pushed him away unknowingly. Do i sound defensive? I hope not, just trying to express my thoughts. No one even knows about the existence of this blog anyway other than for those who really pry into my business or those who are obsessed with me. Now I sound like regina george.
So, main thing is, maybe I was pushing him away, but that wasn't my intent. Just thought that his loyalties went awry and that if i continued sticking to him, it'd be more of me getting gossiped at. Usually i wouldn't care about that, but i care about what he thinks. Psh posh. Now for my side and point of view, I feel like i was the one being pushed away and being replaced after he meet a particular someone, someone new, a "shiny new toy". He doesn't tell me stuff anymore, he doesn't text me when he needs someone to talk to, I don't get the news first, I find things out from people that I should be first to know. I mean, isn't that what a best friend is? I feel like, what I do for him isn't reciprocated, I understand that he shows his ways of friendship differently, I used to trust him 100%, possibly even with my life, but not so much anymore. All these little things tantamount to me distancing myself, seeking new friendship, a new someone I can depend on. I can't even bring myself to tell him my secrets anymore.
Ugh, night thoughts. Can you tell I haven't read any books yet? I think you can, just look, 0 big words again. Just 2 weeks away from due date. I GOTTA READ AT LEAST ONE. Why oh why, authors really needa write fast. 1 year not reading the series really caused me to drift and now i'm not even eager to read the 3rd book for I can't even really remember what happened in the first two.
I have a meeting at 8:30am later at work, sigh, why is it on a saturday, 4.5 hours of sleep left for me, I need sympathy fund.
Just a random thought that literally just came on my mind. My ex crush, I'm proud of myself for not thinking of him anymore, how stupid I was to blog/write about him so much! Stalkish creepy much?? My mom and I went by his workplace recently and she forced me to sit and eat there, thank god he wasn't on shift, or at least i think he wasn't. Anyway, I didn't see him. Of course my mom doesn't know about him if not I don't think she would let me sit there.
Yknow, watching pretty little liars led me to discover tons of addictive songs, such as Salty Sweet by MS MR, which is my current blog theme music. Smash by Zowie, Trespassing by Adam Lambert, The Devil Within by Digital Daggers, Until It Hurts by Fransisca Halls, Ten Twenty Ten by Generationals, etc etc. So far, these are the few at the top of my list.