Can anyone hear me?!
Friday 5 May 2017 | 11:32 pm | 0 comments
I can't emphasise how important birthdays are to me and I do not intend to break that tradition for myself. It's the most important day of the entire year to me and i do not know how to express that for people. I'm sure you've read that every year in my blogposts and i'm always sad and crying when it's nearing my birthday because of how paranoid i am that it will just be another mundane day where everyone just live their life and go on about life as though it's another day. I mean it's fine for those not close to me.I don't know if it's just because i'm harping onto these expectations that people will do for me what I did for them. Organise parties, ordering a cake, planning, devising the best birthday plan I can that is appropriate for the age, inviting friends. I want someone to do that for me. No one i know this lifetime knows the importance of birthdays or feel the same way I do about birthdays. So of course no one is gonna do this kind of stuff for me. I have to do it myself. Always.
Begging and crying to family members just to go somewhere I want them to go somewhere on my birthday with me. Don't get me wrong, they love me and im not neglected or whatever. I just want that little extra on my birthday.
Is the last teen birthday important? To many it isn't but it is SO important to me i don't know how to get my point across to people and make them understand. I would kill someone just to have a perfect birthday and have 0 regrets. Maybe i'm being selfish with all this but I desperately want things to go well. Have a day of joy and laughter.
Every year on my birthday, when i'm doing stuff i'll start thinking stuff like "Damn, im spending my birthday like this", "sigh is this really how im spending my birthday", "10 june and i'm doing this". It really sucks. I can't remember the best last birthday I've had. Not the last, not the year before and definitely not the year before that either.
You only get to live that age once and it's gone. Why don't people understand that. Do you think you'll definitely have another year to do that. What if it's your last? People think 'nah that wont happen, there are years to come, definitely not the last' but SERIOUSLY you never know.